I-messages

           I-messages can be very helpful when trying to get a client to take responsibility for their behavior. This technique requires clients to say “I”, rather than “it”, “you”, or “we” when they are talking about themselves. The client is then able to recognize that placing blame on others does not create change. However, accepting responsibility can help in creating change. I-messages can also help the client communicate with others. This takes the negativity out of the conversation and the other person doesn’t feel as though they are being accused or blamed for anything.  You-statements can be interpreted as accusing and judgmental, which can lead to conflict. The most important aspect of this technique is getting the client to realize this and alter the way they speak to others. For example, instead of saying “It will not happen again,” the client can reword it by saying “I will not let it happen again.” This could be a bit more difficult when counseling children and adolescents because they could mistake emotions with behaviors. Statements should follow this sequence to help eliminate confusion between emotions and behaviors: behavior, effect, and then feeling. This demonstrates how the feeling is caused by the effect, rather than the behavior.